Going Beyond the Athlete

My name is Kayla Dowler, and I played volleyball at Southern Utah University. I ended my career early after needing 6 surgeries and many mental health issues. I ended up sharing my story because of the stereotype surrounding student athletes. I suffered setback after setback, and I always kept going because I was afraid to be out of the sport. A sport that was killing me both mentally and physically. I went through a lot. A lot. While some of it was bad, there were many good parts. I have always loved playing volleyball. I started playing competitively when I was 10 years old, and I had dreamed of playing in college ever since. I was always so so scared to let that little girl inside of me down. Many nights I ended up crying just not knowing what to do. My body was in so much pain, and it went through a lot of trauma, but no matter how hard I worked, it never seemed to be able to heal. Through each recovery process, it got harder and harder to have hope. I felt like I lost a part of myself, of what makes me, me. Volleyball has always been a huge part of who I am. In high school, I was known as one of the volleyball girls or one of the Dowler sisters who play volleyball, the volleyball girl. It was always fun because it gave me a place, a reason, but once it was taken away, I felt lost. What I would learn in college is that volleyball is not who I am, but it is a small piece of me. I am Kayla Dowler, a mental health advocate, a kind person, a college student, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, Kali's mom, a volleyball player and so much more. This blog is my journey throughout every recovery I faced to show others that they are not alone with what they are going through, and it is okay not to be okay.